Saying NO to Others is Saying YES to Yourself - by Jack Canfield

There are only two words that will always lead you to success. Those words are yes and no. Undoubtedly, you've mastered saying yes. So start practicing saying no. Your goals depend on it!

There have been great books written on the art of saying no. If you are constantly saying yes to other people, then you are constantly saying no to yourself and your goals. Ask yourself if what is being requested of you is in line with your goals, will it benefit you in some way and bring you closer to your success, or will you simply be spending your time on someone else's good opportunity?

How much time do you waste with projects and activities that you really don't want to do simply because you are uncomfortable saying no?

Success depends on getting good at saying no without feeling guilty. You cannot get ahead with your own goals if you are always saying yes to someone else's projects. You can only get ahead with your desired lifestyle if you are focused on the things that will produce that lifestyle.

Create a list of things that you want to stop doing. Then make that list into policies that you follow for the lifestyle you want to live. You don't want to let friends borrow money? Then make it your own personal policy. You don't want to do business deals over the phone? Then make it your own personal policy. It is very easy to say what your policies are, and you don't even have to use the word no! People respect policies. And it's likely that no one will take your policy personally, they'll realize it's a boundary you have set for all occasions.

Discerning when to say no gets tricky sometimes when what you are being offered sounds pretty good. But staying focused on the prize means saying no to opportunities that sound good, but not great. You could be blocking the great opportunities from coming into your life by focusing your energy on only the good opportunities!

But how can you determine what is good and what is great? You put the opportunity in writing! Look at it and decide what questions you need to ask, what kind of information you need to gather, what you would need to do in order to make it happen. Then, compare that information with what you know about achieving your goals. Is everything in line or is this opportunity leading you down a different path? Is it congruent with the purpose you are passionate about, or does it just sound better than what you are doing right now? Talk to your advisors about potential opportunities and reflect on their knowledge and expertise. They can help you think of what will be involved and they'll help you stay focused of your goal. A trusted advisor can help you see the writing on the wall, which you might not see on your own for your own excitement about the possibilities.

You might also consider talking to someone who is doing what you have an opportunity to do and weigh the information you gather against what you want for your own life. Trust that you will know what to do. Give yourself enough time to really think it through, you might say no to an opportunity that sounds good and find out that the really great opportunity was right around the corner! Or you might decide that this opportunity will lead you to an even greater opportunity.

Be brave in saying no to good opportunities, stay focused on your higher goals and let people know that you are committed to those goals. People will respect your clarity and drive.

Remember, just as you are in control of your feelings and attitudes, other people are in control of theirs, so if they do get upset with you for saying no...well that is a choice they make for themselves.

© 2006 Jack Canfield
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete statement with it: Jack Canfield, America's Success Coach, is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and a leading authority on Peak Performance. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrtcsategies.com

Life Lessons from Jason - Jeff Keller

Life Lessons from Jason

You might have seen the amazing story that was shown on many television stations about Jason McElwain, the autistic teenager who performed miraculously when he got the chance to play in a high school basketball game. For those who are not familiar with this story, here is what happened.

Jason is a 17-year student at Greece Athena High School in New York. He is autistic and has served as manager of the school's basketball team. During the team's games, Jason sits on the bench, wearing a white shirt and black tie.

Jim Johnson, the coach of the team, invited Jason to suit up in uniform for the team's final game of the season. He told Jason that he would try to put him into the game if Greece Athena was ahead by a sufficient number of points.

Well, Jason got into the game with four minutes left. After missing his first two shots, he hit six out of 10 three- point shots (shots taken from more than 20 feet) and scored 20 points.

In the end, he was the game's leading scorer, although he played only four minutes! The crowd went wild and stormed onto the court to congratulate Jason and to celebrate his astonishing performance.

To be sure, Jason's story is inspirational and heart- warming. What's more, I think there are important lessons that we can all learn from this young man.

* Jason demonstrated the power of attitude and enthusiasm.
When Jason was asked about his job responsibilities as team manager, he explained that among other things, he sets the clock, keeps statistics and hands out water bottles and equipment. He also said that his job is "to be enthusiastic"
and encourage the players.

Isn't it interesting that he includes "to be enthusiastic"
as part of his job description? Because Jason is so enthusiastic and supportive, the coach loves him. The players love him. Even the fans that night were shouting his name and rooting for him to get into the game.

The lesson here is that when you're energetic and positive, people want to be around you. They want to help you. If Jason had performed his responsibilities in a dull, listless manner, I don't think there's a chance that the coach would have considered letting him play in a game.

Jason had given so much to the team that the coach wanted to reciprocate in some fashion. Perhaps, if we all add "to be enthusiastic" to our job descriptions, we'd have a lot more success at work and at home - and we'd gain a lot more cooperation from others.

* Jason wasn't afraid to fail.
Jason's first shot missed badly. He didn't even hit the rim. He also missed his second shot. Yet, he wasn't discouraged. Jason was going to keep on shooting. He then scored 20 points in a little more than three minutes!

How many of us take a shot or two in life (for example, on a sales call or in a personal relationship), get a poor result and then quit? Had Jason done that, he wouldn't have accomplished his incredible feat. As with any endeavor, it often takes a little time before we get "in a groove" and things go our way. We have to be willing to endure the "misses" until we get on track.

* Jason was willing to serve.
Jason's first choice was not to be the team manager. He wanted to play basketball for the junior varsity team. He tried out but wasn't good enough.

Instead of sulking and giving up on basketball, he willingly took the job as team manager of the varsity squad. He loves basketball and this was his opportunity to be around the game.

So often, we don't reach our initial goal and we let our ego get in the way. We don't want to accept a "lesser role" or play "second fiddle," even temporarily.

* Do what you love.
Jason shows us that great opportunities often appear when you engage in activities that you're passionate about. Here's a guy who absolutely loves basketball. You can see it on his face when he's out on the court helping the other players or shooting around by himself.

When you do what you love, you may make a lot of money; but then again, you may not. However, you will be happier and attract more positive experiences into your life - and perhaps even create a "miracle" as Jason has done.

* Jason was prepared to seize the moment.
Let's not forget that Jason practiced his shooting all the time. Although he didn't have game experience, he shot around in the gym on a regular basis. He knew he could make long shots, and when given the chance in a game, he made the majority of his shots.

Let's turn to your dream. Are you ready for your opportunity? Have you done the practice, the research and whatever else is necessary for you to be ready to seize your moment? The time to prepare is now. If you wait until the opportunity arrives, it's too late.

* Jason helped us to expand what we thought was possible.
If someone had told you that an autistic teenager serving as a high school basketball team manager was put into an actual game, hit six out of 10 three point shots, and scored 20 points in just over three minutes, you'd say that could only happen in a movie. Yet this was real life.

Not only that, but the President of the United States visited Jason at an airport near his home. Jason was interviewed on CBS-TV during the Final Four round of the NCAA basketball tournament. In addition, a documentary of his story was shown to millions of people around the world.
Former basketball legend Magic Johnson came to the school gym to meet Jason and announce that a deal has been made to acquire the movie rights to Jason's story.

Jason has achieved what many would say was "impossible," and yet we know deep down that we, too, have the ability to create magic in our own lives if we'll expand our view of what is possible.

Congratulations, Jason on your magnificent accomplishments - and for giving us a formula for successful living.

-- Jeff Keller
(c) Attitude is Everything, Inc.